The Sunrise

Through our experience's on the job we often learn to appreciate new things. Some time these are simple things that we once enjoyed and have long forgotten about, sometimes its a new experience. Often times its a little thing in life that we took for grant it and never gave it much thought. I had what one would call an "Epiphany" today and realized that the things I see on the job have changed me, have made me older, and as I'd like to hope wiser to the joys of life.

Not too long after I was cleared I had a call that makes a new paramedics heart kick up a notch. While covering one of our suburban towns that we provide 911 coverage for I was dispatched to the elderly female down, not breathing, possibly a presumption. Now I'm sure a seasoned paramedic might not even blink and just go through the motions, but not me not today I'm still fresh. I never did a presumption while precepting, we talked about it, went over the procedures but never put it into practice. So here we are racing through town expecting to arrive on scene and find the police department first responders performing CPR, I'd have to go in and stop them and determine if she was in fact deceased or viable, a position I have never been in. Much to my surprise we arrive on scene first and I see a gentlemen my age standing on the front lawn. Much use to the typical scene in Hartford where this gentlemen would be doing the jumping jacks to wave me down and rush me into the house, I am caught off guard by how calm he acts. He walks to the ambulance and says they found her on the porch, he relays she's healthy with no known medical history and leads me into the house. Inside I find 4 generations of this middle eastern family standing around going on about life as if nothing has happened. The calmness puts a pit in my stomach and makes me wonder what I'm walking into.

She's lying on her back, fully clothed including a traditional Turkish scarf, wrapped up in two blankets with her head laid peacefully on a pillow. It's hard to believe shes not sleeping, however as I unwrap the blanket off of her as peacefully as possible and reach for her wrist I know at that moment her fate. I place her on the monitor and run a 12 second strip for my personal assurance, I reassure proper lead placement as my monitor runs quite possibly the flattest it can possibly go. I mark down the time and notify my dispatcher so its taped the time of pronouncement. I pull the blanket back up to the position I found it in, and leave the women in peace, the way I found her.

I now for the first time walk over to family and have the undaunted task of telling them what they already know. I am new to this, I have never done this before, and no training I have undergone could prepare me for the task of telling a family that their loved one has died. I try to be as compassionate yet straight forward as I could and stay in the house long enough to assure that the family does not need medical attention. I gather my gear and I walk back to my ambulance to be stopped on the way by this womens daughter. She thanks me for the job I have done and I feel guilty inside, I didn't do a job, I came and told them what they already knew. I think she sensed that perhaps I was uneasy or nervous and shared with me the story that had taken place.

Her mother wakes every morning at 5am no matter how late she was awake. She gets dressed and goes down stairs to the back enclosed porch and lays down on the carpeted floor, wraps herself in blankets to stay warm, props her head up on a pillow or two, and lays there watching the sunrise every morning. She tells me its what she loved, the highlight of her day, to watch the sun come up every morning and start her day knowing that no matter what happens, the sun will always come up tomorrow. Her family can take comfort in knowing that their loved one went perhaps in what she would call the most perfect way, enjoying the thing she cherished most about her day. And I take comfort in knowing that no matter what challenges i face through the day, the hard decisions and situations I encounter, the sun will always come up on another peaceful morning, and for the first time in years I no longer take it for grant it, and enjoy my morning cup of coffee watching the sun rise.